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If you vote third party you’re a f*cking idiot

Christopher Walker, Editor-in-Chief

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I’m not sure if it’s because I spend the majority of my time on a liberal arts college campus with scores of morons studying basket weaving, but this political season, I’ve heard a plethora of first-time voters declare they’re going with a third party come November.

Let me make this very clear: anyone voting third party this election is naïve, immature and should have their voting rights stripped away.

In a winner-take-all political system (for example, the candidate who gets the second-largest number of votes does not get the vice presidency), a two-party system is mathematically guaranteed.

Why would anyone pour money into a political party guaranteed to not get results on a national scale? It’s an immovable and absolute fact: our political system will always and forever have two parties.

Anyone believing anything to the contrary has a fundamental misunderstand of how the American political system works.

Like a child screaming that he or she wants candy for dinner, you want something you can’t (and probably shouldn’t) have.

Even putting aside the wildly immoral and fascinatingly ignorant financial policies of Libertarians and the amusing naivety of the Green party, all third parties are useless.

Those who claim that the candidates are the same, that they’re both evil, are idiots. Take five minutes to research what their platform stands for. The Republican and Democratic nominees are never even close to the same.

Learning how to compromise is an essential part of growing up. We can’t always get exactly what we want. Sometimes, we have to settle with the best realistic option.

Many students feel once our generation takes power, we will not be limited to two options; that we are on the cusp of a great political revolution. No we are not. You have always and will always have two options. Grow up.

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11 Comments

11 Responses to “If you vote third party you’re a f*cking idiot”

  1. Vermin Supreme on November 8th, 2016 11:46 pm

    Learning how to compromise is an essential part of growing up. We can’t always get exactly what we want. Sometimes, we have to settle with the best realistic option.

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  2. Blow me on November 8th, 2016 11:47 pm

    “immature and should have their voting rights stripped away.” This is coming from a guy that says we need to grow up and learn to compromise.. What a fucking idiot.

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  3. Blow me on November 8th, 2016 11:48 pm

    Eat shit asshole.

    [Reply]

  4. Fuckyouyoustupidfuckingcunt on November 8th, 2016 11:51 pm

    This is the most retarded piece of FUCKING shit I have ever had my little fucking Asian eyes lay upon, how could any sort of human produce such a stupid and incoherent statement? You really ought to drink a whole gallon of bleach with or hang yourself from a tree with a noose because no one gives a shit about you or your shitty opinion you dumb cunt.

    [Reply]

  5. Johnny Appleseed on November 9th, 2016 12:51 am

    Ha! Dipshit..

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  6. Kevin Moore on November 9th, 2016 2:55 am

    Yes – Tell that to the Whig Party from `1855. Change doesn’t happen often, but it DOES happen when neither party can field even a halfway decent candidate.

    This is just the beginning.

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  7. Charles on November 9th, 2016 3:00 am

    You sir are an idiot. You, and the idiots like you, are why we are now stuck with trump(hillary). If people like you, encouraged young folks to make their own decisions, vote their conscience, and listen and debate with facts. We would not be in this situation today. I place the blame for the way America is now and in the next four years, squarely upon YOUR shoulders. Go home and cry in a closet. Today is your fault. And the fault of all the people like you.

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  8. Jeremiah on November 9th, 2016 8:11 am

    You might want to look at the poll numbers down below

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  9. Eliot Barron on November 9th, 2016 10:03 am

    This piece of vitriol could be retracted, redacted, or at least checked for everything from spelling to verb-tense argreement to basic grammar and punctuation.

    On-line medium or not, a university might have higher standards for its journalism and journalists than a pulpit for incoferent bullies. But hey, that’s what America is after, and apparently winners take all.

    Call me naive, but as a citizen, I don’t accept that this is the best UNO can produce.

    Thank You.

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  10. joe Fuller on November 10th, 2016 6:19 am

    Hardly, let’s just say that voting 3rd party is sending a message to the GOP and Dems… it says you don’t understand us and you don’t care to. Your way or the highway. Sorry, doesn’t work that way. My vote is MY vote, none of YOUR business and at least by voting for Gary Johnson I could vote my conscience.

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  11. Abraham Thacker on December 13th, 2016 12:29 am

    To the Editor,
    So, this is the extent to which my beloved college newspaper has devolved: a staggeringly unprofessional headline, followed by a nonsense-laden, artificially didactic trail of drivel. To begin with an expletive in the headline (which I’m sure you considered quite daring), and then to march on with a generalization about third-party voters (“scores of morons studying basket-weaving;” oh, and let’s not forget the currently overused word “plethora”), is NOT an opinion piece; it is a rant.
    Next, you suggest (presumably seriously) that third-party voters should have their voting rights stripped away. Again, not an opinion, just obnoxious rhetoric (that, I might add, is dangerous to the fundamental ideals upon which this country was founded).
    Before you tell others to “grow up,” I suggest you take the time to review the American political system, the Constitution, and, above all, your methods in writing. I’m all for freedom of speech, but this article isn’t pushing the envelope; rather, it’s a piece that merely serves to titillate (and that does not a great opinion piece make).
    As a UNO alum and former Driftwood staffer, I was very sorry to see this article make it to press.
    Sincerely,
    Abraham Thacker

    [Reply]

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If you vote third party you’re a f*cking idiot